Warning: This blog may offend you

"I don't go to church because it's full of hypocrites." ...I've heard variations of this statement for years; decades, really.  It is a primary "excuse" for so many people to not attend church.  

The thing is, the reason churches are "full of hypocrites" is because churches are full of humans.  People.  You and me.  Every single one of us has been hypocritical at some point in our lives, several points, in fact.

There is no such thing as "the perfect church".  If there were, it would no longer be perfect once you or I showed up because we're not perfect.  But, you can't use this as a reason to keep away from church.  It's just another lie the Father of Lies has given for us to remain closed off and distant from others, and from God.  The Bible is very clear about corporate worship.  The New Testament lays out the Church being formed.  

Now, somewhat understandably, this excuse is used by those who have not found the real Jesus, who have not come to know Him, love Him and serve Him.  They have not experienced the love of Christ, so gathering with His church doesn't seem necessary.

What really bothers me are people who say they are followers of Christ, who call themselves by His name, yet will not attend church because of His people.  I've heard from more than one person that they "don't have a problem with God, just with God's people".  Now, I have a real problem with that!  

If I said to you, "I really like you, but I can't stand your kids." How would that make you feel?  How would you react?  Would you want to be around me?  Would you think I actually did care about you?  No!  You would defend your children.  Even if your kids are unruly, even if they don't always listen to you or do what they know is right, you still love them, they are still your children, a part of you, in fact.  If someone insults your family, they are insulting you.  Those "believers" who insult God's children are insulting God.  They do have a problem with God. They are, in fact, being the very hypocrite they claim to hate so much.

Now, please understand, hear my heart.  I am not defending the hypocrisy that goes on within the church.  I am not condoning sin or double-standards for those who call themselves Christians.  This is not my intent whatsoever.  However, as a believer, if I see something in the church that is wrong, I should try to help change it, address the issue, work with others to resolve it.  I shouldn't turn my back on those who are my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Would I turn my back on my sister, Karyn, or my brother, Bryon, because they were doing something they shouldn't be doing? Never!  They are my family and I love them, and as such I would try to figure out a way to help them, to work with them through the trial.  

Our relationship with the church should be no different.

Being a believer is dirty work.  You've got to get down in the trenches.  Sometimes you may be called to be on latrine duty.  But, that's what we have to do to be molded into the image of Christ, and to help others do the same.  I can't imagine going through life without the support system of my church family.  God placed these people in my life to minister to me, to pray with me, to teach me...and for me, hopefully, to do the same for them.

Unfortunately, many of us have become too lazy, too complacent to care enough about getting in there and actually working.  We'd rather just quit.  We are not called to be quitters.  "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)  Roll up your sleeves, jump down into the muck, help those who are stuck in it, and come out on the other side a beautiful representation of the love of Christ!

A Year in Review...

I can't believe Christmas is just a week away!  It seems like the year just began and suddenly it's over in 2 weeks!  
This year has brought about so much: blessings, scares, and changes... I am so thankful to serve an all-knowing God, Who is in complete control.
Trying to fit a year-in-review into one blog post seems nearly impossible.  What do I say?  What do I leave out?  Do I even remember enough to warrant a post? I'm sure I'll leave out things I really wanted to say, and perhaps even say things that could have been omitted.  But, I'll do my best.

The kids have had a good year.  JD has continued to remain on honor roll this year.  We are extremely proud of him.  His teachers continually praise him for his excellent behavior, manners, helpfulness and willingness to put forth his best effort at all times.  
Cora is doing well in school as well.  She struggles, do to her Irlen's Syndrome, but always tries her hardest and puts for her best effort each day.  We are constantly told what a sweet girl we have, and I have to agree :)  Her teacher is very proud of her, as are we.  We have been truly blessed with the best teachers we could ask for.  I can't say enough about Cora's teacher, Mrs. Davidson, (and Ms. Olsen) and JD's teachers, Mr. Krzmarzick and Mr. Jensen.  I thank God for each of them.


Almost all of you reading this know of our scare earlier this year.  The end of July brought me to my knees as we learned of abnormal and rapidly developing precancerous cells in my uterus.  After much prayer the decision was made for me to have a partial hysterectomy, with the understanding that once they got in there they may have had to do a full.  The surgery was in September.  This was probably the hardest decision of my life.  I still have times where I burst into uncontrollable tears over this.  I have always wanted more children.  We have tried for years.  Obviously, though, God had different plans for our lives.  It was a huge blessing we discovered the cells when we did.  They were able to get all of them and I am cancer-free!  
Of course, I will have to have regular check-ups, just to be safe, but our oncologist was very positive that we made the right decision in leaving my ovaries.  (I did not want them taken, Jake was very much a proponent of having them out, just to be on the safe side.)  '
God is good, though!  Through my weakness, through my doubts and fears and longings, He is faithful!!!


He continues to provide for our needs at just the right moment.  Each time another medical bill arrives (yes, they are still arriving), I have a moment (or two or three) of panicking, wondering how we are going to pay for all these bills.  Even before the surgery occurred, though, people gave sacrificially to help us through.  He provided in ways I could not imagine, and I know He will continue to do so.  


God continually reminds me He is on His schedule, not mine. 

Jake was very busy with seminary this year, taking 3 classes in the spring and 2 in the fall to finish up his first degree.  It was hard on all of us.  He would often leave the house in the morning before the kids and I were awake and return home after they had gone to bed.  We typically only had 1 night during the week with him and Saturdays.  (We never counted Sundays because we were always so busy with church.)
But, the sacrifice of time was well worth it, as he graduated last week!  I cannot express how proud I am of him.  He still has five classes remaining for his 2nd degree, which we had originally expected him to complete in time to graduate this time next year...but, as usual, God's plans for our family are not what we had been preparing for or expecting.  Jake has had to put seminary on hold, at least for the time being.
He has been asked to be Interim Senior Pastor of Northstar, which he accepted after much prayer, meditation and deliberation.  This was not anything we were expecting or seeking, but as I said before, God's plans for us often don't go where we imagined.  We are, however, excited and anxious to see where God leads, and humbled to be on this journey.
He will continue to be a bi-vocational, serving the church as well as holding down a full-time job outside of the church.  


Please continue to lift us up during this time of transition.  Pray for Northstar.  Losing a pastor is never easy on a church.  Pray for unity during this time.  We will no longer be able to meet in the school after this month, and are diligently seeking options as to where we can meet.  Please be lifting this up to the Father as well as wisdom for Jake as he leads.
Pray for the Ellis family as they move to Arkansas and transition and seek God's will for their lives.  They served Northstar wholeheartedly and will be missed.  Pray for the 3 children as they adjust to a new life in a new town.  


As always, thank you for your prayers for our family and the church.  We could not be here without your prayers and support.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for 2011! 

Where You go I'll g.....wait, let me think about this...

Ruth 1: 16-17 is one of the most utilized section of verses in the Bible.  It is often quoted in weddings, even in movies.  But what if we looked at it differently?  What if, instead of saying this to our spouses or friends, we prayed it?
"But Ruth replied: Do not persuade me to leave you or go back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.  May the LORD do this to me, and even more, if anything but death separates you and me."
As a Christ-follower I am prone to say things like, "The LORD willing" or "If it's in His will"...phrases that should be taken seriously, used in reverence to the Most High.  But are they?  Do I use them flippantly, without regard to what I'm actually saying?
"Go where You go and stay where You stay"...What a prayer!  Do I sincerely mean that--that I will go where God leads and stay when He tells me to?
If I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, am I content or do I itch for something more?  If I'm comfortable and happy where I am now, will I get up and move when and where He leads?  Will His people truly be my people, or will I ignore them, insult them, blame them, forget them...
Am I honestly willing to lay down my life for Him, or is it something I just say because that's what I'm supposed to do?

Chris Tomlin's, "I Will Follow" puts this prayer into song. "Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When you move, I'll move.  I will follow you.  Who you love, I'll love. How you serve I'll serve.  If this life I lose, I will follow you.  I will follow you."

What a prayer!  What a life-changing attitude!

Oh, God, may I be so in love with You that I would desire nothing more than to give up everything for Your glory!  May I be so content in Your will that I seek only to follow You, to stay or to move where You lead, to love and to serve how You do.  May I be willing and ready to lose this life if it brings You glory!  I WILL follow You!

What happens when dreams are shattered?

King David said in 2 Samuel 15:26, "Behold, here I am, let Him do to me what seems good to Him."
David was described as a man after God's own heart, yet even he, in the midst of trials, let the world and fears take his focus away from the LORD.  So many times throughout his life we read how he allowed circumstance to dictate his joy, his life, his relationship with God.
But, each and every time he ran back to God, Who accepted him with open arms.  This verse is one of those times.  He presented himself before God and said, basically, "I'm yours, do with me what you want."

As many of you reading this know, I have been faced with a circumstance lately for which I was not prepared.  Not that anyone is prepared to here, "We've found rapidly developing abnormal cells and if something is not done soon, they will be cancer." 
No one expects or wants to hear their dreams shattered.  With all my heart I wanted more children.  Unlike most women I loved every minute of my pregnancies.  Even though I was horribly ill and they almost killed me, I loved it.  If you were to ask anyone in my family what I said when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" They would immediately say I answered, "A wife and a mommy."  As a very young child I would say I wanted 5 children.  As an adult, I would say I wanted 4.  I prayed for specifics with both JD and Cora.  I wanted a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy and a brown-haired, blue-eyed girl.
Somewhere inside I knew more children were probably not an option.  Unknown to most people, I have had several miscarriages.  I'd been told by more than one doctor that a hysterectomy was in my future, but still I held on to that dream, that desire.  It was like a death when that "probably" became a emphatic and resounding, "no".
Throughout the past few weeks, as we've dealt with the news and the pending surgery and possible further treatment, if cancer is found, God has been speaking to me in numerous ways.  He has led me to verses in the Bible, ones I've read 100's of times before but that suddenly spoke directly to me.  He's used friends to speak truths into my life.  He has used the senior pastor at my church to speak from the pulpit exactly what I needed to hear.  He has shown Himself in a mighty way and is going to prove Himself Mighty!

One thing that has really been pulsating through me is that I want my life to be for His glory.  I don't want that to just be lip-service.  I don't want it to be something I just say, but not strive for and believe with all that I am.  I am His.  My life was created so that He could be glorified through it.  When all is said and done what I want more than anything is to have that said of me.  And if I truly want that, truly believe that, then this too is for His glory.  He has allowed these cells so that through my hurting, through my fear of the unknown, through my surgery and possible future treatment, He could be glorified.

Jesus, when the cross was looming in the immediate future, prayed not once, but 3 times, for that cup to pass from Him.  But, each time He prayed He said, "Not My will, but Yours." 
God's plans aren't always ours--His way of doing things/accomplishing things isn't always the way we would do it...But know this, He has your best interest at heart.  He wants only what is good for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean what we, as humans, think of as "good".  No, His good is whatever it takes to accomplish His will and show Himself glorified.

When I was in junior high I learned a verse that really became my life-verse.  It is one that through the years has come to mind many times and that I've prayed over and over.  Psalm 31: 14-15a says, "But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God.  My times are in your hands."
As I've said in previous blogs, nothing that happens to me is a surprise to God.  He wasn't shocked to find out I have these cells in my body.  He knew and predestined every breath that I will have before I was created.  He knows exactly how many days I will live and it won't be one more or less.  He IS my God and my times ARE in His hands.  More than anything, this brings me comfort.

I'm not saying I haven't been scared, worried, upset, stressed...I have, believe me!  I've had moments of shear fear and worry.  I've broken down more than once in tears.  But, each and every time, He has comforted me.
Two verses He brought me to are in John 11.  Verse 4 says, "This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God's glory by glorifying God's Son."  And verse 40 says, "Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
God wants to use these circumstances to prove Himself mighty so that He might be glorified.
I want Him to use me in whatever capacity He sees fit.  If I say that I can't just change my mind when things don't go the way I had planned.  If I want to live a life glorifying to God I have to do this through the good and the bad.

What happens when dreams are shattered?  He plants new ones in your heart.
This was not the way I planned things, this isn't the way I would do it, but, nevertheless, not my will but Yours.

Our summer

Wow, I can't believe the summer is winding down to a close!  The kids go back to school on August 30th and we're excited that they both got the teachers we requested for them.
They had a great time in Arkansas this summer.  They both always look forward to being there and seeing friends and family.  We took some time to visit a few places on our way home from getting them.  We stopped by Roswell, NM, to see the aliens...

This is our new friend, Gray Alien

 They tried to abduct us...

 

And apparently even aliens love Coke!

Cora wanted to know why this alien was only wearing underwear...

As long as I can be with him...take me away!!!

We were also able to stop by the Air Force Base in Alamogordo, NM to visit some friends.  After that we headed outside of Phoenix to the Salt River for some rafting.

We had a lot of fun, and some adventure as well.  There were some class 1 rapids on the trip, nothing too serious, really.  But, towards the end of the float we came upon some rapids that looked worse than the ones we had hit previously.  There were several large rocks we were going to have to maneuver around, as well as one huge boulder right in the middle.  As we were floating towards this JD panicked and fell off his raft, which quickly began to float downstream.  (If we lost the raft we were going to have to buy it, not something we wanted to do...plus, getting 4 people down the river on 3 rafts, no easy) So, Jake took off down the rapids to try to catch JD's raft.  In the meantime, we hit the rapids and I had to try and stop both the kids from floating away.  I got JD to the side, holding my raft, and I anchored myself into the rocks with my knees and held onto Cora and her raft. 

A little ways down the rapids JD's raft just stopped.  It was amazing.  It wasn't hung on anything, just stopped.  Jake was able to get to it and stayed there, waiting for the rest of us.  Cora was having a blast, ready to take on the rapids alone.  My strength was failing, so I told her I was going to let her go and that her daddy would catch her down the river.  She was thrilled, laughing the whole time.

Some other people were coming down the river about this time.  They had 3 rafts, but only 2 people.  They were using the other for their cooler, so I yelled to them, asking if JD could ride down with them as far as Jake.  They agreed.  He was really shook up, and didn't like leaving me, but I promised him I would be right behind him.  I got to my raft and got down to Jake and the kids.

They were stopped right in the middle of the rapids, so I jumped off my raft and tried to stop, but the water was so strong it kept me moving, and my raft was getting away from me, so I jumped through the middle of it (instead of being on top) and kept going, my legs hitting every rock and boulder along the way.  (Let me tell you, I was extremely bruised)

I was SO burned by the end of the day!  I'm still peeling!  

 But, overall we had a great time.  Here are a few pictures from us on the river (BOY, do I wish I had a video camera rolling during the whole rapids adventure!  I could win lots of money off that, I'm sure)

Next weekend we're going camping with some families from Northstar, then it's just one more week before school starts!  

We decided to not have the kids' birthday parties until after school starts back up, so they are able to invite more of their friends.  I can't believe they are now 8 and 9!  Where did the years go!?!?

I hope each of you had a great summer as well. 

He is not surprised...

One thing that brings me peace is that nothing that happens to my family is a surprise to God.  When something comes our way that is unexpected and maybe even scary, I can take comfort in knowing that this circumstance did not sneak up on God.  He doesn't stop and say, "Oh, my...how did THAT happen..." 

He knew, when Jake accepted the day-job he currently has that it would cost us over $300 per month in Jake's gas bill alone.  He knew, when we were planning on using our tax money to buy a cheap used car with better gas mileage that we weren't going to get back even half of what we thought we would, so that idea was out the window.  He knew that Jake's jeep would break down on the way to work this morning.  He knew that it would cost us over $600 to fix it.  He knew that our kitchen sink would break and flood our kitchen and cause us to have to shut off the water to the kitchen area, causing dishes upon dishes to pile up b/c they can't be washed until the problem can be fixed.  (Which probably isn't too big of a project, but Jake is so busy between the children's ministry at Northstar, taking 3 classes in seminary and working 40+ hours a week, he isn't home often enough to fix it)

None of this came as a surprise to Him, and the outcome won't be a surprise either.

I say all this to myself more than to anyone else, because I needed a reminder of that today.  Not only is He all-knowing, He is all-sufficient.  I am not only to believe IN Him, but to simply BELIEVE Him.  The reason I can believe Him and trust Him to see us through all of this is because He has seen us through every "surprise" before.  Not once has He ever let us down, and He won't this time either.

Will it all turn out the way I hope?  Probably not.  But it will turn out the way He plans, if we simply allow Him control and turn our worrying and stress over to Him.  His shoulders are much bigger and can handle all of this much more easily than I can.

Honestly, even as I write this, my stomach is churning, trying to figure out how to pay for all of this.  I'm quite literally to the point of making myself sick, not only because of all the stuff that's been thrown at us, but because I'm openly admitting it to you.  That is very hard for me.  Sharing imperfections and problems isn't easy for me to do.  I would much rather keep it private, bottled up inside, and let people believe we live a charmed life, free of worry or debt or problems...admitting "worries" to someone, even my closest friends and family, is the hardest thing in the world for me.  I'd rather hide behind my nice little wall I've built up around myself for protection.  Admitting insecurities and problems that arise makes me feel a couple of things...perhaps a brief moment of, "Wow, it feels better to get this off my shoulders," and then the horrible feeling of, "Why on earth did I say anything to anyone, what are people going to think, are they going to look down on me, judge me, feel sorry for me....."  That's usually the feeling that wins out in the end, as I'm sure it will today once I hit "publish" and this is out there for you to read.

But, for some reason I felt the need to be real, at least for a moment.  I'm definitely not perfect, and I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think that.  I don't.  Believe me.  Reading in my quiet time today that God wants to be able to boast about me, that I should be the physical representation of His beauty...well, I feel so completely undeserving to even consider that.  But what an honor that would be, to have God boast of me, "Look at her!  Doesn't she look just like My Son?"  Wow.  What an honor that would be.

For now, though, I am simply going to hold onto the faith that He will see us through.  Always has, always will.

The simple things in life...

Today God used a young boy to show me just how blessed I truly am.  

Yesterday was not a good day, by any means.  Without going into details of my day, let's just say that if one more thing had gone wrong I would have quite literally gone off the deep end.  I was at my wits' end.  Everything that could go wrong did.  Murphy's law was the ruler of the day.  My Facebook post said something to the effect of "This day inhaled vigorously, but my God is good all the time."  I threw in that last part to remind myself that no matter how lousy of a day I was having, HE is faithful, when all else fails, HE will not.

That was yesterday.

Today, while I was volunteering at JD and Cora's school, I was put face-to-face with true sorrow.  Sometime ago JD came home from school and told me about a little boy who was in his class last year.  He asked if I remembered him and said, "He told me his mom is dying of cancer.  She's had it before, but it was in remission, now it's in stage 4."  My heart hurt for this little boy, and I wanted to do something for the family, but I didn't know how or what, and soon it was out of my mind.  
God placed him in my path today, so I asked him how his mom was doing.  His face went downcast as he said, "She's about to die.  She may already be dead right now and me not know it.  I don't know when she's going to pass on, but it's any time."  As I tried to hold back the tears I let him know that JD had told me about her having cancer and asked if there was anything my family could do.  He said, "Well, they don't like me talking about it but taxes are due now, and we may lose our house and I heard them talking about divorce."  That was it, the tears started pouring.  I told him we were praying for him and his family and for him to talk to JD if he needed a friend to talk to and to let JD know if there was anything we could do so he could tell me. 

Any one of those things is enough to break a grownup, much less a child...and then to pile them on top of each other, well, my heart broke.  Suddenly, my measly problems from yesterday didn't seem so big.  Suddenly, my pity party I was wanting to throw myself didn't hold much merit.  Suddenly.....

So, without names, I am asking you to please lift this family up in prayer.  Pray for peace and comfort for the mom, pray for peace for the rest of the family, but most importantly, pray that God would make His Son known to her in a mighty way and that she would come to know Him in a real and saving way before she steps into eternity.  

And while you are at it, remember to thank Him for your life, for the life of your family.  Thank Him for the simple blessings He brings each day.  "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away...my heart will choose to say, 'LORD, blessed be Your name.'"