Ruth 1: 16-17 is one of the most utilized section of verses in the Bible. It is often quoted in weddings, even in movies. But what if we looked at it differently? What if, instead of saying this to our spouses or friends, we prayed it?
"But Ruth replied: Do not persuade me to leave you or go back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD do this to me, and even more, if anything but death separates you and me."
As a Christ-follower I am prone to say things like, "The LORD willing" or "If it's in His will"...phrases that should be taken seriously, used in reverence to the Most High. But are they? Do I use them flippantly, without regard to what I'm actually saying?
"Go where You go and stay where You stay"...What a prayer! Do I sincerely mean that--that I will go where God leads and stay when He tells me to?
If I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, am I content or do I itch for something more? If I'm comfortable and happy where I am now, will I get up and move when and where He leads? Will His people truly be my people, or will I ignore them, insult them, blame them, forget them...
Am I honestly willing to lay down my life for Him, or is it something I just say because that's what I'm supposed to do?
Chris Tomlin's, "I Will Follow" puts this prayer into song. "Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When you move, I'll move. I will follow you. Who you love, I'll love. How you serve I'll serve. If this life I lose, I will follow you. I will follow you."
What a prayer! What a life-changing attitude!
Oh, God, may I be so in love with You that I would desire nothing more than to give up everything for Your glory! May I be so content in Your will that I seek only to follow You, to stay or to move where You lead, to love and to serve how You do. May I be willing and ready to lose this life if it brings You glory! I WILL follow You!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
What happens when dreams are shattered?
King David said in 2 Samuel 15:26, "Behold, here I am, let Him do to me what seems good to Him."
David was described as a man after God's own heart, yet even he, in the midst of trials, let the world and fears take his focus away from the LORD. So many times throughout his life we read how he allowed circumstance to dictate his joy, his life, his relationship with God.
But, each and every time he ran back to God, Who accepted him with open arms. This verse is one of those times. He presented himself before God and said, basically, "I'm yours, do with me what you want."
As many of you reading this know, I have been faced with a circumstance lately for which I was not prepared. Not that anyone is prepared to here, "We've found rapidly developing abnormal cells and if something is not done soon, they will be cancer."
No one expects or wants to hear their dreams shattered. With all my heart I wanted more children. Unlike most women I loved every minute of my pregnancies. Even though I was horribly ill and they almost killed me, I loved it. If you were to ask anyone in my family what I said when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" They would immediately say I answered, "A wife and a mommy." As a very young child I would say I wanted 5 children. As an adult, I would say I wanted 4. I prayed for specifics with both JD and Cora. I wanted a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy and a brown-haired, blue-eyed girl.
Somewhere inside I knew more children were probably not an option. Unknown to most people, I have had several miscarriages. I'd been told by more than one doctor that a hysterectomy was in my future, but still I held on to that dream, that desire. It was like a death when that "probably" became a emphatic and resounding, "no".
Throughout the past few weeks, as we've dealt with the news and the pending surgery and possible further treatment, if cancer is found, God has been speaking to me in numerous ways. He has led me to verses in the Bible, ones I've read 100's of times before but that suddenly spoke directly to me. He's used friends to speak truths into my life. He has used the senior pastor at my church to speak from the pulpit exactly what I needed to hear. He has shown Himself in a mighty way and is going to prove Himself Mighty!
One thing that has really been pulsating through me is that I want my life to be for His glory. I don't want that to just be lip-service. I don't want it to be something I just say, but not strive for and believe with all that I am. I am His. My life was created so that He could be glorified through it. When all is said and done what I want more than anything is to have that said of me. And if I truly want that, truly believe that, then this too is for His glory. He has allowed these cells so that through my hurting, through my fear of the unknown, through my surgery and possible future treatment, He could be glorified.
Jesus, when the cross was looming in the immediate future, prayed not once, but 3 times, for that cup to pass from Him. But, each time He prayed He said, "Not My will, but Yours."
God's plans aren't always ours--His way of doing things/accomplishing things isn't always the way we would do it...But know this, He has your best interest at heart. He wants only what is good for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean what we, as humans, think of as "good". No, His good is whatever it takes to accomplish His will and show Himself glorified.
When I was in junior high I learned a verse that really became my life-verse. It is one that through the years has come to mind many times and that I've prayed over and over. Psalm 31: 14-15a says, "But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God. My times are in your hands."
As I've said in previous blogs, nothing that happens to me is a surprise to God. He wasn't shocked to find out I have these cells in my body. He knew and predestined every breath that I will have before I was created. He knows exactly how many days I will live and it won't be one more or less. He IS my God and my times ARE in His hands. More than anything, this brings me comfort.
I'm not saying I haven't been scared, worried, upset, stressed...I have, believe me! I've had moments of shear fear and worry. I've broken down more than once in tears. But, each and every time, He has comforted me.
Two verses He brought me to are in John 11. Verse 4 says, "This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God's glory by glorifying God's Son." And verse 40 says, "Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
God wants to use these circumstances to prove Himself mighty so that He might be glorified.
I want Him to use me in whatever capacity He sees fit. If I say that I can't just change my mind when things don't go the way I had planned. If I want to live a life glorifying to God I have to do this through the good and the bad.
What happens when dreams are shattered? He plants new ones in your heart.
This was not the way I planned things, this isn't the way I would do it, but, nevertheless, not my will but Yours.
David was described as a man after God's own heart, yet even he, in the midst of trials, let the world and fears take his focus away from the LORD. So many times throughout his life we read how he allowed circumstance to dictate his joy, his life, his relationship with God.
But, each and every time he ran back to God, Who accepted him with open arms. This verse is one of those times. He presented himself before God and said, basically, "I'm yours, do with me what you want."
As many of you reading this know, I have been faced with a circumstance lately for which I was not prepared. Not that anyone is prepared to here, "We've found rapidly developing abnormal cells and if something is not done soon, they will be cancer."
No one expects or wants to hear their dreams shattered. With all my heart I wanted more children. Unlike most women I loved every minute of my pregnancies. Even though I was horribly ill and they almost killed me, I loved it. If you were to ask anyone in my family what I said when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" They would immediately say I answered, "A wife and a mommy." As a very young child I would say I wanted 5 children. As an adult, I would say I wanted 4. I prayed for specifics with both JD and Cora. I wanted a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy and a brown-haired, blue-eyed girl.
Somewhere inside I knew more children were probably not an option. Unknown to most people, I have had several miscarriages. I'd been told by more than one doctor that a hysterectomy was in my future, but still I held on to that dream, that desire. It was like a death when that "probably" became a emphatic and resounding, "no".
Throughout the past few weeks, as we've dealt with the news and the pending surgery and possible further treatment, if cancer is found, God has been speaking to me in numerous ways. He has led me to verses in the Bible, ones I've read 100's of times before but that suddenly spoke directly to me. He's used friends to speak truths into my life. He has used the senior pastor at my church to speak from the pulpit exactly what I needed to hear. He has shown Himself in a mighty way and is going to prove Himself Mighty!
One thing that has really been pulsating through me is that I want my life to be for His glory. I don't want that to just be lip-service. I don't want it to be something I just say, but not strive for and believe with all that I am. I am His. My life was created so that He could be glorified through it. When all is said and done what I want more than anything is to have that said of me. And if I truly want that, truly believe that, then this too is for His glory. He has allowed these cells so that through my hurting, through my fear of the unknown, through my surgery and possible future treatment, He could be glorified.
Jesus, when the cross was looming in the immediate future, prayed not once, but 3 times, for that cup to pass from Him. But, each time He prayed He said, "Not My will, but Yours."
God's plans aren't always ours--His way of doing things/accomplishing things isn't always the way we would do it...But know this, He has your best interest at heart. He wants only what is good for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean what we, as humans, think of as "good". No, His good is whatever it takes to accomplish His will and show Himself glorified.
When I was in junior high I learned a verse that really became my life-verse. It is one that through the years has come to mind many times and that I've prayed over and over. Psalm 31: 14-15a says, "But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God. My times are in your hands."
As I've said in previous blogs, nothing that happens to me is a surprise to God. He wasn't shocked to find out I have these cells in my body. He knew and predestined every breath that I will have before I was created. He knows exactly how many days I will live and it won't be one more or less. He IS my God and my times ARE in His hands. More than anything, this brings me comfort.
I'm not saying I haven't been scared, worried, upset, stressed...I have, believe me! I've had moments of shear fear and worry. I've broken down more than once in tears. But, each and every time, He has comforted me.
Two verses He brought me to are in John 11. Verse 4 says, "This sickness is not fatal. It will become an occasion to show God's glory by glorifying God's Son." And verse 40 says, "Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
God wants to use these circumstances to prove Himself mighty so that He might be glorified.
I want Him to use me in whatever capacity He sees fit. If I say that I can't just change my mind when things don't go the way I had planned. If I want to live a life glorifying to God I have to do this through the good and the bad.
What happens when dreams are shattered? He plants new ones in your heart.
This was not the way I planned things, this isn't the way I would do it, but, nevertheless, not my will but Yours.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Our summer
Wow, I can't believe the summer is winding down to a close! The kids go back to school on August 30th and we're excited that they both got the teachers we requested for them.
They had a great time in Arkansas this summer. They both always look forward to being there and seeing friends and family. We took some time to visit a few places on our way home from getting them. We stopped by Roswell, NM, to see the aliens...
They had a great time in Arkansas this summer. They both always look forward to being there and seeing friends and family. We took some time to visit a few places on our way home from getting them. We stopped by Roswell, NM, to see the aliens...
This is our new friend, Gray Alien
They tried to abduct us...
And apparently even aliens love Coke!
Cora wanted to know why this alien was only wearing underwear...
As long as I can be with him...take me away!!!
We were also able to stop by the Air Force Base in Alamogordo, NM to visit some friends. After that we headed outside of Phoenix to the Salt River for some rafting.
We had a lot of fun, and some adventure as well. There were some class 1 rapids on the trip, nothing too serious, really. But, towards the end of the float we came upon some rapids that looked worse than the ones we had hit previously. There were several large rocks we were going to have to maneuver around, as well as one huge boulder right in the middle. As we were floating towards this JD panicked and fell off his raft, which quickly began to float downstream. (If we lost the raft we were going to have to buy it, not something we wanted to do...plus, getting 4 people down the river on 3 rafts, no easy) So, Jake took off down the rapids to try to catch JD's raft. In the meantime, we hit the rapids and I had to try and stop both the kids from floating away. I got JD to the side, holding my raft, and I anchored myself into the rocks with my knees and held onto Cora and her raft.
A little ways down the rapids JD's raft just stopped. It was amazing. It wasn't hung on anything, just stopped. Jake was able to get to it and stayed there, waiting for the rest of us. Cora was having a blast, ready to take on the rapids alone. My strength was failing, so I told her I was going to let her go and that her daddy would catch her down the river. She was thrilled, laughing the whole time.
Some other people were coming down the river about this time. They had 3 rafts, but only 2 people. They were using the other for their cooler, so I yelled to them, asking if JD could ride down with them as far as Jake. They agreed. He was really shook up, and didn't like leaving me, but I promised him I would be right behind him. I got to my raft and got down to Jake and the kids.
They were stopped right in the middle of the rapids, so I jumped off my raft and tried to stop, but the water was so strong it kept me moving, and my raft was getting away from me, so I jumped through the middle of it (instead of being on top) and kept going, my legs hitting every rock and boulder along the way. (Let me tell you, I was extremely bruised)
I was SO burned by the end of the day! I'm still peeling!
But, overall we had a great time. Here are a few pictures from us on the river (BOY, do I wish I had a video camera rolling during the whole rapids adventure! I could win lots of money off that, I'm sure)
Next weekend we're going camping with some families from Northstar, then it's just one more week before school starts!
We decided to not have the kids' birthday parties until after school starts back up, so they are able to invite more of their friends. I can't believe they are now 8 and 9! Where did the years go!?!?
I hope each of you had a great summer as well.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
He is not surprised...
One thing that brings me peace is that nothing that happens to my family is a surprise to God. When something comes our way that is unexpected and maybe even scary, I can take comfort in knowing that this circumstance did not sneak up on God. He doesn't stop and say, "Oh, my...how did THAT happen..."
He knew, when Jake accepted the day-job he currently has that it would cost us over $300 per month in Jake's gas bill alone. He knew, when we were planning on using our tax money to buy a cheap used car with better gas mileage that we weren't going to get back even half of what we thought we would, so that idea was out the window. He knew that Jake's jeep would break down on the way to work this morning. He knew that it would cost us over $600 to fix it. He knew that our kitchen sink would break and flood our kitchen and cause us to have to shut off the water to the kitchen area, causing dishes upon dishes to pile up b/c they can't be washed until the problem can be fixed. (Which probably isn't too big of a project, but Jake is so busy between the children's ministry at Northstar, taking 3 classes in seminary and working 40+ hours a week, he isn't home often enough to fix it)
None of this came as a surprise to Him, and the outcome won't be a surprise either.
I say all this to myself more than to anyone else, because I needed a reminder of that today. Not only is He all-knowing, He is all-sufficient. I am not only to believe IN Him, but to simply BELIEVE Him. The reason I can believe Him and trust Him to see us through all of this is because He has seen us through every "surprise" before. Not once has He ever let us down, and He won't this time either.
Will it all turn out the way I hope? Probably not. But it will turn out the way He plans, if we simply allow Him control and turn our worrying and stress over to Him. His shoulders are much bigger and can handle all of this much more easily than I can.
Honestly, even as I write this, my stomach is churning, trying to figure out how to pay for all of this. I'm quite literally to the point of making myself sick, not only because of all the stuff that's been thrown at us, but because I'm openly admitting it to you. That is very hard for me. Sharing imperfections and problems isn't easy for me to do. I would much rather keep it private, bottled up inside, and let people believe we live a charmed life, free of worry or debt or problems...admitting "worries" to someone, even my closest friends and family, is the hardest thing in the world for me. I'd rather hide behind my nice little wall I've built up around myself for protection. Admitting insecurities and problems that arise makes me feel a couple of things...perhaps a brief moment of, "Wow, it feels better to get this off my shoulders," and then the horrible feeling of, "Why on earth did I say anything to anyone, what are people going to think, are they going to look down on me, judge me, feel sorry for me....." That's usually the feeling that wins out in the end, as I'm sure it will today once I hit "publish" and this is out there for you to read.
But, for some reason I felt the need to be real, at least for a moment. I'm definitely not perfect, and I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think that. I don't. Believe me. Reading in my quiet time today that God wants to be able to boast about me, that I should be the physical representation of His beauty...well, I feel so completely undeserving to even consider that. But what an honor that would be, to have God boast of me, "Look at her! Doesn't she look just like My Son?" Wow. What an honor that would be.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The simple things in life...
Today God used a young boy to show me just how blessed I truly am.
Yesterday was not a good day, by any means. Without going into details of my day, let's just say that if one more thing had gone wrong I would have quite literally gone off the deep end. I was at my wits' end. Everything that could go wrong did. Murphy's law was the ruler of the day. My Facebook post said something to the effect of "This day inhaled vigorously, but my God is good all the time." I threw in that last part to remind myself that no matter how lousy of a day I was having, HE is faithful, when all else fails, HE will not.
That was yesterday.
Today, while I was volunteering at JD and Cora's school, I was put face-to-face with true sorrow. Sometime ago JD came home from school and told me about a little boy who was in his class last year. He asked if I remembered him and said, "He told me his mom is dying of cancer. She's had it before, but it was in remission, now it's in stage 4." My heart hurt for this little boy, and I wanted to do something for the family, but I didn't know how or what, and soon it was out of my mind.
God placed him in my path today, so I asked him how his mom was doing. His face went downcast as he said, "She's about to die. She may already be dead right now and me not know it. I don't know when she's going to pass on, but it's any time." As I tried to hold back the tears I let him know that JD had told me about her having cancer and asked if there was anything my family could do. He said, "Well, they don't like me talking about it but taxes are due now, and we may lose our house and I heard them talking about divorce." That was it, the tears started pouring. I told him we were praying for him and his family and for him to talk to JD if he needed a friend to talk to and to let JD know if there was anything we could do so he could tell me.
Yesterday was not a good day, by any means. Without going into details of my day, let's just say that if one more thing had gone wrong I would have quite literally gone off the deep end. I was at my wits' end. Everything that could go wrong did. Murphy's law was the ruler of the day. My Facebook post said something to the effect of "This day inhaled vigorously, but my God is good all the time." I threw in that last part to remind myself that no matter how lousy of a day I was having, HE is faithful, when all else fails, HE will not.
That was yesterday.
Today, while I was volunteering at JD and Cora's school, I was put face-to-face with true sorrow. Sometime ago JD came home from school and told me about a little boy who was in his class last year. He asked if I remembered him and said, "He told me his mom is dying of cancer. She's had it before, but it was in remission, now it's in stage 4." My heart hurt for this little boy, and I wanted to do something for the family, but I didn't know how or what, and soon it was out of my mind.
God placed him in my path today, so I asked him how his mom was doing. His face went downcast as he said, "She's about to die. She may already be dead right now and me not know it. I don't know when she's going to pass on, but it's any time." As I tried to hold back the tears I let him know that JD had told me about her having cancer and asked if there was anything my family could do. He said, "Well, they don't like me talking about it but taxes are due now, and we may lose our house and I heard them talking about divorce." That was it, the tears started pouring. I told him we were praying for him and his family and for him to talk to JD if he needed a friend to talk to and to let JD know if there was anything we could do so he could tell me.
Any one of those things is enough to break a grownup, much less a child...and then to pile them on top of each other, well, my heart broke. Suddenly, my measly problems from yesterday didn't seem so big. Suddenly, my pity party I was wanting to throw myself didn't hold much merit. Suddenly.....
So, without names, I am asking you to please lift this family up in prayer. Pray for peace and comfort for the mom, pray for peace for the rest of the family, but most importantly, pray that God would make His Son known to her in a mighty way and that she would come to know Him in a real and saving way before she steps into eternity.
And while you are at it, remember to thank Him for your life, for the life of your family. Thank Him for the simple blessings He brings each day. "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away...my heart will choose to say, 'LORD, blessed be Your name.'"
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A Jealous God
During my quiet time I have been going through a study by Beth Moore called "Breaking Free". Today, I was reading in Exodus 20:4-5 (In the midst of the 10 Commandments) Exodus 20:5 says, "...for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God..." Now, I definitely see how this could be a stumbling block for many. As I read this I was reminded of a time I heard an interview with Oprah. She was talking about a time when she was in church and this verse was read. She said she immediately thought, why would I want to worship a God who is jealous of me?
Now, my instant reaction to her saying this was, "Wow, how conceited and full of yourself do you have to be to think that the God of the universe is jealous of you?" But, as with many areas in the Bible, our English translations don't always say accurately what the original text meant. The Hebrew and Greek languages have many many different words to describe different aspects of something. (For example, we have one word for "love" and that can mean "I love ice cream" or "I love my husband". Either way we use the same word...The Greek, however, translates many different forms of love. Eros, for example, is erotic love. Agape is the unconditional, self-sacrificing love...Our language looses a lot in translation.)
But, back to the jealous God and Oprah's question. Why would we want to worship a god who is jealous of us? I certainly wouldn't... But, the LORD God, the God of the universe, the Creator, is not jealous of you. He owns the "cattle on a thousand hillsides" (Psalm 50:10). He created everything, including you and me. What Exodus 20:5 is saying is God is jealous FOR you. He loves you so much, He wants what is best for you to such an extent, that He is jealous FOR you. 2 Corinthians 11:2 talks about a "godly jealousy". Being jealous OF someone or something is a sin. God cannot sin. This "godly jealousy" is pure and holy.
As a parent, I want what is best for my children. I yearn for them to succeed, to thrive. If I see them doing something that I know will harm them, will derail them from success, it angers me, it hurts me...I am not angry at them, per say, I am angry for them. If, as parents, we react that way with our children, how much more does God, Who loves completely, fully and without fail, react that way when He sees us falling into the bondage of sin. He sees we are on a path that will harm us, that will derail us from the blessings He has planned for us. He is so in love with us He is jealous for us, wanting only what is best for our lives.
The rest of Exodus 20:4-5 talks about idols. "Do not make an idol for yourself...do not bow down to them..." Now, this is important. God is not, in any way, jealous of other "gods". (And, by the way, a god is anything we put in our lives above the LORD God. You may not think you worship anything, but God has implanted in everyone an internal desire to worship. If you are not worshiping the One True God, you are worshiping something...your job, the Wii or PS3, money...the list can go on and on) The LORD knows that worshiping these things is not what is best for you and therefore it hurts Him, angers Him, to see you following them. These things cannot save you, they cannot deliver you from despair, they hold no real glory.
Only God can save. He knew you before you were born. He knows every hair on your head. He loved you so much He sent His only Son to the earth to die for you. If you were the only person in the world, He still would have died for you. There is nothing in your past, nothing in your present and nothing in your future He doesn't already know. If there were anything too big for Him, His death would have been pointless...but it wasn't.
Jesus died for you. He died for me.
He chose to do this because He desires to spend eternity with us, He desires to bless us, He desires to give us peace. He has our best interest at heart. Above all else He desires for us to know Him, to love Him, to believe in Him, to trust and worship Him and Him alone. There are such bountiful blessings in store for those who do.
Now, my instant reaction to her saying this was, "Wow, how conceited and full of yourself do you have to be to think that the God of the universe is jealous of you?" But, as with many areas in the Bible, our English translations don't always say accurately what the original text meant. The Hebrew and Greek languages have many many different words to describe different aspects of something. (For example, we have one word for "love" and that can mean "I love ice cream" or "I love my husband". Either way we use the same word...The Greek, however, translates many different forms of love. Eros, for example, is erotic love. Agape is the unconditional, self-sacrificing love...Our language looses a lot in translation.)
But, back to the jealous God and Oprah's question. Why would we want to worship a god who is jealous of us? I certainly wouldn't... But, the LORD God, the God of the universe, the Creator, is not jealous of you. He owns the "cattle on a thousand hillsides" (Psalm 50:10). He created everything, including you and me. What Exodus 20:5 is saying is God is jealous FOR you. He loves you so much, He wants what is best for you to such an extent, that He is jealous FOR you. 2 Corinthians 11:2 talks about a "godly jealousy". Being jealous OF someone or something is a sin. God cannot sin. This "godly jealousy" is pure and holy.
As a parent, I want what is best for my children. I yearn for them to succeed, to thrive. If I see them doing something that I know will harm them, will derail them from success, it angers me, it hurts me...I am not angry at them, per say, I am angry for them. If, as parents, we react that way with our children, how much more does God, Who loves completely, fully and without fail, react that way when He sees us falling into the bondage of sin. He sees we are on a path that will harm us, that will derail us from the blessings He has planned for us. He is so in love with us He is jealous for us, wanting only what is best for our lives.
The rest of Exodus 20:4-5 talks about idols. "Do not make an idol for yourself...do not bow down to them..." Now, this is important. God is not, in any way, jealous of other "gods". (And, by the way, a god is anything we put in our lives above the LORD God. You may not think you worship anything, but God has implanted in everyone an internal desire to worship. If you are not worshiping the One True God, you are worshiping something...your job, the Wii or PS3, money...the list can go on and on) The LORD knows that worshiping these things is not what is best for you and therefore it hurts Him, angers Him, to see you following them. These things cannot save you, they cannot deliver you from despair, they hold no real glory.
Only God can save. He knew you before you were born. He knows every hair on your head. He loved you so much He sent His only Son to the earth to die for you. If you were the only person in the world, He still would have died for you. There is nothing in your past, nothing in your present and nothing in your future He doesn't already know. If there were anything too big for Him, His death would have been pointless...but it wasn't.
Jesus died for you. He died for me.
He chose to do this because He desires to spend eternity with us, He desires to bless us, He desires to give us peace. He has our best interest at heart. Above all else He desires for us to know Him, to love Him, to believe in Him, to trust and worship Him and Him alone. There are such bountiful blessings in store for those who do.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
February 10
February 10, 2010... 3 years. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long. Time heals all wounds? I'm not so sure I believe that. Time maybe makes the wounds less pronounced, less in-your-face, but they don't go away, not completely.
It would be his 71st birthday at the end of this month. Instead, he is celebrating his 3 year birthday today. The eternal-side of of me wants to celebrate with him. The human-side, not so much.
I still dream about him almost every night. I guess it's my brain's way of dealing with him not being here. In my dreams he is alive and kicking, helping me some way or spending time with me like he used to do. I keep wondering when those dreams will stop. Maybe never.
There are still occasions where I almost pick up the phone to call him about one thing or another. It only lasts a second before reality kicks in and I think, "Hello, dummy...remember?" It's so weird the random things that trigger nostalgia.
He was a great daddy. The best. His love language was definitely gift-giving. He loved giving gifts. Valentine's Day was a favorite of his. He always had some fabulous piece of jewelry for my mom, my sister and me. If you'd ask him, he would say he hated that Karyn and I had our ears pierced, but he gave us some amazing earrings over the years. If he was going to buy something, it was going to be the best there was. He didn't skimp.
Anyone who had the honor and privilege of knowing him knows he took joy in giving to others. It was never something he would admit, it was just him.
Growing up, my favorite days were our days together. He took off one day a week from the pharmacy to just spend with me. During the school year, he would pick me up from school and we would go do whatever...go to the farm store, go to Sam's, just drive around..it didn't matter. Summertime meant we had the whole day. We would go to Branson for the day and ride every ride at Silver Dollar City 10 times each. He never complained as I drug him from ride to ride to ride.
He was the dad who bought his daughter and her friends tickets to go see Marky Mark, then suffered through the concert quietly, knowing how much joy it brought them. He was the dad who, when his daughter wanted to go see Warrent, Trixter and Firehouse in concert, took her without question, and then stuffed bubblegum in his ears to keep his eardrums from bursting. He was the dad who would get tickets 3rd row back at a major rock concert, where the speakers are so close they control your heartbeat, just to spend time with his daughter. He was the dad who, though he never tried, became one of my best friends. He was the dad who, even after all three of his children were grown, was still lovingly called daddy...because that's what he was.
Happy homecoming day, daddy!
It would be his 71st birthday at the end of this month. Instead, he is celebrating his 3 year birthday today. The eternal-side of of me wants to celebrate with him. The human-side, not so much.
I still dream about him almost every night. I guess it's my brain's way of dealing with him not being here. In my dreams he is alive and kicking, helping me some way or spending time with me like he used to do. I keep wondering when those dreams will stop. Maybe never.
There are still occasions where I almost pick up the phone to call him about one thing or another. It only lasts a second before reality kicks in and I think, "Hello, dummy...remember?" It's so weird the random things that trigger nostalgia.
He was a great daddy. The best. His love language was definitely gift-giving. He loved giving gifts. Valentine's Day was a favorite of his. He always had some fabulous piece of jewelry for my mom, my sister and me. If you'd ask him, he would say he hated that Karyn and I had our ears pierced, but he gave us some amazing earrings over the years. If he was going to buy something, it was going to be the best there was. He didn't skimp.
Anyone who had the honor and privilege of knowing him knows he took joy in giving to others. It was never something he would admit, it was just him.
Growing up, my favorite days were our days together. He took off one day a week from the pharmacy to just spend with me. During the school year, he would pick me up from school and we would go do whatever...go to the farm store, go to Sam's, just drive around..it didn't matter. Summertime meant we had the whole day. We would go to Branson for the day and ride every ride at Silver Dollar City 10 times each. He never complained as I drug him from ride to ride to ride.
He was the dad who bought his daughter and her friends tickets to go see Marky Mark, then suffered through the concert quietly, knowing how much joy it brought them. He was the dad who, when his daughter wanted to go see Warrent, Trixter and Firehouse in concert, took her without question, and then stuffed bubblegum in his ears to keep his eardrums from bursting. He was the dad who would get tickets 3rd row back at a major rock concert, where the speakers are so close they control your heartbeat, just to spend time with his daughter. He was the dad who, though he never tried, became one of my best friends. He was the dad who, even after all three of his children were grown, was still lovingly called daddy...because that's what he was.
Happy homecoming day, daddy!
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