Proficiency Exam

Here in Nevada the high school students have to take proficiency exams.  It doesn't matter if they made straight A's, if they can't pass the exam, they flunk. No matter how good they were.  These tests mean the difference between moving on or staying back.  Passing or failing.  Effort in the class means nothing if they can't pass this test.

Now let's say those high school students are in a class with a teacher who is not only an expert on the subject, he actually IS the subject (think William Faulkner being the teacher in Faulkner English or William Shakespeare being the teacher in a class on Shakespeare).  But not only is he the subject, he truly wants his students to pass.  He doesn't want a single student to fail.  Not one.  So, he decides to do something completely radical.  Since he's the one who wrote the test, he decides to give out the answers ahead of time.  He doesn't do it in secret or to just a select few, he readily gives them to anyone who is willing to listen.  He puts out an invite, "Answers to the proficiency exam will be given the next 3 nights at 6PM.  Anyone who comes will be given the answers to the test."

He waits.

A few people start to trickle in.  Most people think it's a joke at first, or a trick.  Surely the author of the test wouldn't readily hand out the answers to the test.  But it's no trick.  He tells them exactly what will be on their proficiency exam.  Exactly what they have to know to pass.  The exact questions and the exact answers to those questions.  And then he does something even more amazing.  He says, "Now go tell everyone else who didn't show up."

Now the ball is in those students' court.  They have a choice to make.  They can choose to keep the answers to themselves, after all, they were the ones who made the effort to come listen, the others chose not to, right?  Or, they could do as the teacher asked, they could tell their fellow students.  Most chose to go tell the other students.

The ones who went out to tell others the good news got mixed reactions.  Some people were really excited.  Seriously?!?  You have the answers to the final exam?  If I just do this I'll pass?  Nice!  They took the answers and even helped spread the word.

Others scoffed.  Yeah, right!  Why would the teacher just willingly hand over the answers to the test?  It's too easy!  It's a trick!

Still others said, "that's nice, but I don't like those answers.  I've been studying and I've come up with different answers.  I think mine are better.  Why can't there be multiple answers?"  

You try to reason with those people.  "It's no trick."  "Yes, it's easy, but that's the way the teacher wanted it."  "No, there cannot be more than one answer." "Why?  Because the one who wrote the test said this...this right here was the answer.  See, he had me write it down.  It's in black and white."  "No, I didn't write it down wrong.  I didn't hear incorrectly.  He said this was what was on the test, and this was the only way to pass."

Still some chose not to listen.  They went into the test unprepared. Every single student who didn't have the answers the teacher had given out flunked the exam and by extension the class.  They failed.  

"For God so loved the world He gave His one and only Son, that anyone who believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world might be saved through Him.  For anyone who believes in Him is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe is already condemned, because he does not believe in the Name of the one and only Son of God."  John 3:16-18

"Jesus told him, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6

"If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."  Romans 10:9

"For the Lord does not delay in His promise, as some understand delay, but He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but all to come to repentance."  2 Peter 3:9

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word WAS GOD."  John 1:1 (my own emphasis added)

 

OM...please don't go there

     So, I am writing this blog specifically to those who call themselves followers of Christ. Others are more than welcome to continue reading, in fact, I hope you do, but this entry is geared towards "Christians".  
The reason I say that is I am going to call you out.  You, yes you.  The one who may or may not realize you are taking the Lord's name in vain on a regular basis.  
It has become so commonplace for people to use the phrase "OMG".  I hear it and see it more times than I care to count each day.  It has become a simple statement, like LOL and BFF.  I hear and see it everywhere, and though I hate to hear it from anyone, it is the believers in Christ I am going to call out on this.
     You see, it's not just a simple statement, because what it stands for isn't just "laugh out loud" or "best friends forever".  It actually means "oh my God."  Now, many of you will say, "well, when I say it, I am thinking 'oh my goodness' in my head."  But that's not what the world hears/sees, and that's not what it means.  I can make up any personal statement for any set of letters, but that doesn't mean that's what they mean to the world.  
     But it goes farther than just OMG.  I hear those who profess to be believers in Christ actually saying "Oh my God."   I hear little kids say, "Oh my God" all the time, just mimicking what they hear from the world around them.  I actually heard a pastor and someone else in ministry use this term a few weeks back.  This tears my heart to pieces.  
     As believers we are called to be set apart.  Not only that, but we are specifically told NOT to take the Lord's name in vain.  There was a very good reason for this.  Today we use names very flippantly.  Some names are almost just made up words at this point.  But in Biblical times a name equated the person, it literally equalled the very essence of who the person was.  By taking the Lord's name in vain you aren't just using His name out of context, you are cursing Him, His very essence.  Do we realize this?  Can we let this sink in for a few moments?  When we flippantly use the Lord's name, saying "OMG", "Oh my God", or worse, we are in essence cursing the Creator of the Universe.
Now, I don't know about you, but to me that's not only profoundly disrespectful, but decidedly a scary thing to do!
     Let us be aware of what we allow to come out of our mouths, or typed onto our keyboards.  I am calling on believers to guard you hearts, guard your minds, and tame your tongues.  As it says in James 3:10, "Praising and cursing come out of the same mouth.  My brothers, these things should not be this way."
     

A Question Posed

     A question was asked in our Bible study last night.  Jake and I love when people in NorthStar's congregation are truly seeking and wanting to grow and learn.  People often feel like they need to apologize for asking questions.  Maybe they feel they are the only ones who don't know the answer.  Maybe they feel it isn't the appropriate time.  Whatever the reason, let me say this, if you are honestly wanting to learn and grow and seek the truth, then questions are always welcome--well, maybe not in the middle of a sermon on Sunday morning, but if you have them at that time, write them down so you don't forget, and seek out the pastor or a trusted church leader after service, I know they will be more than happy to answer your questions.  
     How else are any of us going to learn or grow in our faith?  We must all continue to seek, to ask, to listen and learn.  If we aren't willing to ask how will we find the answer?  I think it's a sad state of our society where we feel we have to pretend we know all the answers, pretend we don't have any questions or doubts or concerns.  Not one human being has all the answers.  Not one.  Anyone who says he does is lying, to himself and to you.  All of us are searching and striving to find truth, even if we go about it in different ways.  All that being said, I want to applaud the person who opened up to the vulnerability of asking a very serious question last night.
     We were asked if Satan is the brother of Jesus.  Unfortunately this is taught in some religions, and it is wrong.  I'm not going to beat around the bush or mince and words here, saying that Jesus and Satan are brothers is a lie.  It is the same lie he has tried to spin for millennia, that he is equal to God.  
     There are only 2 possibilities if this were true, and both are catastrophic. 
The 1st option is that Satan is also then God.  If Jesus and Satan are brothers, and Jesus is God, it stands to reason that Satan is too.  But this cannot be, as he is not omnipotent, omnipresent or omniscient.  Thank goodness!  He doesn't not have the power God does.  He is not God's equal.  He is just as much a finite being as you and I are.  He had a beginning just as you and I did.  He was created, just as you and I were.  
The 2nd option may be even more disastrous.  If Jesus and Satan and brothers, and Satan is not God, then Jesus cannot be God either.  The reason this is a completely and utterly gut-wrenching statement is because if Jesus is not God, His death on the cross was in vain.  You see, a mere man dying on the cross would do nothing more than simply die.  Thousands of men have died that way, two on the same day and time as Jesus.  Their deaths meant nothing to society or to the world.  Their deaths meant nothing to the souls of men.  If Jesus is simply a man, then His death was pointless.  The only way His death could have any power over sin--past, present, and future--is if He is God Himself.  
It had to be the perfect blood of the one and only perfect Creator, taking the place of His creation.  
If Jesus isn't God, we are all helplessly and hopelessly damned.  

"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!" 
1 Corinthians 15:57
    
     The TRUTH of the matter is this:  Jesus is God.  Jesus and Satan are not brothers.  Satan was created as an angel and chose to fall.  Each and every day he deceives people on this earth, blinds them into believing lies about God, about themselves, about him.  You see, he knows the ending.  He knows that ultimately God wins, and like every prideful, sore-loser, he wants to take as many people down with him as he can.
     He doesn't get a second chance.  We do.  Right now.  Now is your chance to accept Christ's forgiveness.  The Bible says for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  Every.Single.One.  But it doesn't stop there.  It's not hopeless.  "The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  There is the hope.  There is the Truth.  
     Will there still be questions and wonderings and doubts?  Certainly.  But of this you can be sure, He who promised is faithful.  He will never let go.  He will never grow tired or weary.  It is by His GRACE we can be saved, nothing else. Grace alone.  The only pathway to that grace is faith in Jesus Christ.  Oh, won't you reach out and grab hold of that grace today?!? 


Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin!

Year Eight

Well, it's here again. It doesn't seem possible, didn't I just do this? Has it really already been another year? Time moves quickly. Eight years has come and gone. I look back at the changes that have been made over the last 8 years, I look at who I have become, where my family has gone, who my kids are becoming... And I miss him. Still. 

I still want him here, watching his grandson play football, taking his granddaughter on dates... I long to talk to him about so many things. I want to hear his voice, have one of our daddy-daughter dates. He is still in my dreams every night. 

I guess it's apropos he died near Valentine's Day. He loved that day. Daddy's love language was gift-giving. He wasn't always great at expressing his love with words, but he did a stellar job in the gift department, and Valentine's Day was the ultimate expression of that. Jewelry. Nice jewelry. That was his go-to for Valentine's Day. Daddy didn't go half-in on his gifts; he did nothing half-way, whether for the better or worse. 

As I type this I am altering between tears streaming to the point where I cannot see the screen and smiles and laughter as fond memories come racing back.

He wasn't the easiest man to live with, that's for sure. Once he made up his mind, it was law. There was no going back or altering his opinion. He was as stubborn as the day is long. Even more so. I come by that honestly. 

My 1st entry about my dad occurred when he died. I have always loved the written word and can often express myself more thoroughly when writing than speaking. I began to write the day after he died. It was my release. My way of remembering and mourning. It seemed to help, so each year I have continued. I know this is a selfish indulgence, something that only benefits me, but I'm ok with that.  You'd think after 8 years I'd run out of things to say, but that just doesn't seem to be the case. 

You'd think after 8 years I'd be able to go a day without missing him, but that hasn't happened yet either. Maybe someday, but I doubt it. 

In the wee hours of this morning,  about the time he passed, my family was getting to a spot where we could watch an old hotel be imploded. I recognized the time and immediately thought of him. He would have loved to have been there, watching as it fell. He would have seen the drones flying over taking video and immediately decided that he needed one, and then would have gone out and purchased the best one he could find, without hesitation. I can see him playing with it now, figuring out all the buttons and features. 

I have to laugh---and cry---thinking of what could have been. 

The only thing I hold onto is my faith. My faith that he also held the same belief as me, that he had put his trust in Jesus and  because of that is now in a much better place, where cancer and illness cannot ravage him. 

Someday I'll get to see him again. Until that day, I'll keep writing, keep remembering, and I'm sure keep grieving. 

Happy homecoming day, Daddy. You surely are missed down here!  

An Overwhelmed Soul

There is a reason the Bible is called "the living Word". It speaks life into your everyday circumstances. You can read the same verse 100 times and suddenly, in the midst of some trial--or even some joy--in your life, BAM, you see something that was never there before. Truth, life, just right for that moment. 

Last week I saw a post from an author and speaker that I respect, Lysa TerKeurst. It was a link to sign up for a 5 day email devotion called, "Unrush Me". I immediately signed up. Boy do I need to be un-rushed. And just to make sure I realized that truth, I never got around to reading them. At all. Didn't even open the emails. All five came, one each day, and there they set in my inbox. 

You know how it goes. Life just happens. Kids need attention. Presents for Christmas need to be bought. Songs for church need to be practiced. Parties need to be planned. Laundry needs to be done. The list goes on and on. It can bury you. 

15 weeks ago I woke up with a headache. Not just an annoyance, but a real headache. It was bad. I popped some Tylenol and went on about my day. When it was still there that night and then the next morning, and the next, and the next...well, I started to get concerned.  By the time I saw my doctor two weeks later I was miserable.  It was as bad as a migraine, but it wasn't a migraine, that much I knew.  I have had migraines on and off for the last 20 years, I know migraines. This was something else. 

It wasn't that I was having several headaches, it was one headache that just wouldn't end. (At this point I am now singing, "It's the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend...")  

15 weeks later I still don't know why I have this headache. Most of the time I can deal with it, other times it is incapacitating.I  don't have time for this! I have a life to live. I have, well, you know, this list... 

I've started blacking out now, so that's another problem. Who has time for this? I just want to go to bed and stay there. 

I continue to add things to my schedule though. Jake, being the protector, has gotten to the frustrated point where he yells at me and tells me, "no. No more. You are not doing that. Tell them you can't." He does it because he is concerned. I know this. But I hate feeling like I am letting someone down. Like I am failing at life, and right now that is exactly how I feel. Like a failure. I can't do anything to full capacity. I can't even remember commitments, conversations, entire blocks of time.  I am a perfectionist, and that just doesn't mesh well with my personality. 

I know, however, that nothing comes into my life--good or bad--without it passing through God's hands first. So I know He has allowed this for some reason. 

And then Thursday night happened. JD was supposed to leave Friday on a leadership campout up in the mountains with the scouts, so Jake went out into the garage to get something for him to take.  What he found was 2 inches of water surrounding our hot water heater.  We had plans to leave for Arkansas to spend Christmas with family, were already tight on money and trying to figure out how we were going to actually make the trip, then this happens. Awesome. 

Jake's parents were amazing and immediately offered to help, as our Christmas present. They wanted us home for Christmas as much as we wanted to be there. But then pride kicked in. I didn't want their help. I didn't want their money. Jake boiled it down and put it pretty bluntly, "you'd rather stay here and be miserable than except their help and go be with family for Christmas." I'll be honest, it took me a couple of days to swallow my pride. 

We found a brand new water heater on Craig's list, saving a couple of hundred dollars, and a friend offered to help Jake install it, saving more than $500 in instillation costs. 

Friday night Jake was getting the old water heater ready so when our friend came Saturday everything would be set. He put his hand on the wall of the unit and his thumb went right through! Oh.My.Goodness. This could have been SO much worse! This thing was rusted out. Completely. It was about to go any minute. If we hadn't caught it we would have had a serious problem on our hands, especially if it happened while we were in Arkansas. 

The inconvenience became a little less of an annoyance at that point. Thank you, Lord, for letting us catch it when we did. 

So, we're strapped, stressed, but still going to Arkansas. We'll just eat snacks on the way and really watch our spending while there. It won't be easy, but it's doable. Then Sunday came.  Do you know that song, "It's Friday But Sunday's Coming"? If not, find it. 

Sunday morning one lady in the church handed JD and Cora each $20, telling them it was for their food on the way to Arkansas.  She didn't know about the water heater incident. Then another couple hands JD and Cora each a card, telling them not to open them until the trip. Jake and I decided to go ahead and open them, so they wouldn't get lost in packing. More money for the kids.  Another lady came up to Jake and handed him money for the trip. She said she wished she could do more. I am tearing up just thinking of these people and how God used them in our time of need.  We are still strapped, but not nearly as much. It helped my stress-level go down a notch and allowed me to focus on other things besides money issues. 

So, back to the beginning of this post, where I said I didn't have time to read the "Unrush Me" emails. Well, today I decided to take some time. The kids are in class this morning, so I decided instead of driving back across town to our house I would go to this little coffee shop by their school. I would take some time out to sit and read and relax. I read the 1st two email devotions and got a lot out of them, then I got to the 3rd.  Towards the end of the email was a scripture reference. One I have read 1,000 times. One even those who don't know the Bible have heard. Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."  And though that verse really does speak to me right now, it's not what caused me to stop. To pause. To have a catch in my breath and a tear in my eye. It was the verse that came right after it. The one I have obviously read 100s of times, as I've read through the book of Philippians. 

Verse 14 says, "Still, you did well by sharing with me in my hardship."

Paul was saying, yes, I can do all things through Christ's strength. BUT...I don't have to do this alone. I don't have to suffer alone. I don't have to have joys and trials and temptations and stress and and and... I don't have to go through this life alone. Why? Because "you shared with me in my hardship."

We were created as social beings. We were created to help each other. To live life together. To bear one another's burdens. We were never meant to go through this life alone. 

How often do we allow the busy to get in the way of people? We fill our schedules so full--of noble and honorable things--we cannot pause. We cannot stop. We cannot be un-rushed, our souls are spent, we have nothing left to give. And for what purpose? 

We miss out on life. Real life. We miss the opportunity to minister to those around us.  Stop. Pause. Look around. What are we missing by being so "on" all the time?

 

And on the flip side, how often to we keep our burdens to ourselves? How often do we not share with others our trials, our temptations, our stress, or even our joys? How often does pride or embarrassment get in the way? I know it does frequently for me.  I put on a pretty facade. Everything looks all nice and put together on the surface. I've got this. I don't need help. I don't want people to know I'm falling apart inside. Ever been there? We all have.  But Philippians tells us we are to bear each other's burdens.

Yes, I can do this through Christ. I can get through the next days, weeks, months, of this headache. I can deal with the financial stress. I can and will do it. But I don't have to do it alone. God doesn't want that for me. He doesn't want that for you either. 

He wants to use you to reach into the life of...that person. He wants to use someone to reach into your life as well. 

Mcconaughey's List

     I only watched maybe 5 minutes of the Oscars.  I may have watched more, but they are not Jake's cup of tea.  I did, however, catch the replay of Matthew Mcconaughey's acceptance speech.  I've also seen the hundreds of reposts about it.  His list, his "3 things" made me stop and think.  Now, I am not one who normally quotes Hollywood.  Usually the things coming from the mouths of the Hollywood elite do little for me and often repulse me.  It was refreshing to hear one of them say something that made me want to dig deeper, think harder, about my own life.
     For those of you who either didn't see the Oscars or haven't seen the 1,000 posts on social media talking about his speech, here is a link:
Macconaughey's Acceptance Speech
Let me briefly recap part of that speech.  He said, "...There are 3 things to my account that I need each day.  One of them is something to look up to, another is something to look forward to, and another is someone to chase."  He went on to thank God, who he looks up to, his family, who he looks forward to, and his future self who is his hero and who he chases.
     Now, this is a good list.  It is good to look up to God, it's good to look forward to your family, and it's good to always be striving to be a better person.  But as I pondered that list, I wondered if he got 2 of them backwards and then I made my own list.
     Someone to look up to:  I think your hero, whether that be someone else or your future self, should be someone to look up to.  Who do I look up to? Many people.  My mom and my husband among others.  They make me want to be a better person, a better me in the future.  I would love to say that the 10-years-from-now me is someone I would want as a hero, someone I would look up to and want to be like.  I pray that I am and will strive everyday to become that person.
     Something to look forward to:  I do look forward to my family, my time with them, seeing us grow and develop, watching my kids become amazing human beings.  I look forward to time with Jake, watching our love grow deeper and deeper as the years pass by.  I look forward to my children serving God now and watching as they continue to serve Him and grow in Him into the future.  I look forward to the plans He has for us.  
     Someone to chase:  Who do I want to chase?  I get what Matthew was saying, always pursuing a better you.  That's a noble quest.  However, it's not me, whether past, present or future, who I want to chase.  I'm not worthy of being chased, nor will I ever be.  No, the One I want to chase is Jesus.  I want to follow after Him and His will for my life.  I want to be so enveloped in Him I become a reflection of His love.  I want to pursue Him at all costs, renouncing self, to chase after the only One worthy of my pursuit.   And the amazing thing is, He chased after me!  He met me where I was and offered His love, grace and acceptance free of charge.  He asked for nothing in return except all of me.
     What would your 3 things be?

7 Years Later

     Today is February 10th, which makes it my least favorite day of the year. This is the day my daddy went home.  But I can't just hate this day.  I can't simply hate February 10th. I have to acknowledge other emotions as well.  I know he is no longer in pain, and for the past 7 years has been face-to-face with Jesus.  That's cause for celebration.  So I'm stuck in this alternate dimension that mixes so many emotions it's hard to name them all.  I have joy knowing he is in heaven.  But I still have so much sadness, even now, even 7 years later.  There are still so many times I want to pick up the phone and ask him a question.  I hate that his grandkids don't get to spend time with him.  I miss our dates, that we still took even when I became an adult.  I still dream about him every night.
     Today is February 10th.  This day will always play such a pivotal role in my life.  It was the day I not only lost my daddy, but one of my very best friends. If ever there was a daddy's girl, it was me...almost to a fault.  I couldn't stay mad at him if I tried.  He was not a perfect man by far.  There are moments that play in my mind's eye I wish I could erase.  Moments I wish never happened.  But they did and for better or worse I am who I am because of those moments.  But I am also who I am because of the millions upon millions of wonderful, exceptional, perfect moments I had with my daddy.  Moments where it was just the two of us and the whole world faded away.  Moments where we'd be driving somewhere and we'd belt out songs, laugh, and have deep discussions.  Moments I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world.
     Today is February 10th.  Part of me feels like a lost little girl on this day.  I truly do hate this day.  Even though I know he suffered way too long.  Even though I know Christ was his savior and he is now in heaven.  Even though I know he was ready.  I hate this day.  I will always hate this day.
     Today is February 10th, and as has become my custom since his death, I am writing my reflections, my tribute to my daddy.  I wonder after so many years if I have anything new to add or if I am just spinning out the same old blog year after year.  But here I sit, writing again.  
     Today is February 10th.  I knew this day was coming up, but I was so busy with the kids' school this morning I forgot for a brief moment what the date was.  It didn't take long to remember, but for that brief moment it was just a normal day, a day like any other.   
     Today is February 10th.  Those of you who have been reading my tributes each year know how special, how wonderful my daddy was.  Those of you who had the privilege of actually knowing him know my words don't come close to describing that.  Even recently I heard stories of people who were impacted by my daddy's life.  May I have a life so impactful to the world!
    Today is February 10th, and this year my tribute is going to be different.  So bare with me as I attempt to get this out.

Daddy

I hate that you were taken from me.

It's hard to think, hard to breathe.

Even now, as the years have passed,

I still feel your life was taken way too fast.

I remember often the days we spent

laughing and talking and all the places we went.

I know to celebrate your lack of pain

But this world without you is just not the same.

You bore so many hats in life,

You were Doug, Uncle Doug, Grandaddy and the like.

But to your kids there was only one thing we knew

You were daddy. No other name would do.

One day soon we will meet again,

and in that moment it won't matter how long it's been.

As we worship the Father and walk through heaven

I won't even remember February 10, 2007.